Family Matters: What You Can and Cannot Control


There are a few things in life we don’t really get to choose – our name, our biological sex and our parents/family. I suppose we don’t really get to choose our children either – we decide to have them and we get what we get. ​We do, however, get to make some choices and this is what I want to focus on today. Read along to find out what I mean.

The question I want us to think about is this:

Why is it that the people we love the most we end up hurting the most and vice versa – the people we love the most end up hurting us the most (and what can we do about it)?

When I say hurt, I mean all possible ways one can hurt another either consciously or unconsciously – fights, arguments, extramarital affairs, betrayal, domestic violence, physical and sexual abuse from family members, volatile and outright destructive relationships, neglect, criticism, etc…

I think one of the reasons we end up hurting each other is simply because we are HUMAN. We have needs, thoughts, dreams, wishes, fantasies, desires and feelings that we often end up acting on in other people’s expense. People, who care about us have their own idea of who we should be in relation to them. When we are not that, they feel hurt or hurt us in return… Here is the part that I love and that we DO get to choose – we do not have control over the family we are born and raised into but we do have control over the partner we choose to form our own family with and the example we want to set together. We do also have control over whether or not we stay in a relationship with that partner and make it work no matter what. Either way, we are faced with the consequences for our decisions but most importantly, our children are faced with the consequences of our decisions. 

So, family does matter and family matters can be messy, complicated and charged with emotions. What’s important is to be able to talk about them with yourself, with your partner or someone else, a professional maybe. Because if there is one thing we all have in common, this is it – we all have a childhood experience and parents, and we all one day grow up and become the adults for the next generation of children.

If there is one thing we can do to make the world a better place for them it is to teach them how to talk about things and how to face the consequences of their actions. In order to do that, we need to do it ourselves first, and THAT we can control.

If you happen to be one of the lucky people out there, who has a close-knit, generally well-functioning family without much drama, please, take a moment to be THANKFUL for it. Tell your loved ones that you do love them and spend time together. Because we all need to feel loved and that’s really all that matters in the end.

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